So, I have recently been having some troubling days here at NU. Feeling unsettled, uneasy- really just lost. I have good days when I feel like everything is just fine the way it is, and then I have days when I don't want to leave my little room at all.
I talked to a trusted friend. Someone I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to count on anymore. But this person helped me more than anyone else- suggested I keep the negative, draining thoughts out of my head with a journal. I think a written journal was more the implication, but I figured I would make my computer time more productive than just gawking at Facebook pictures with this blog.
I really don't have the time to go all out with my thoughts right now; this initial post was sparked by my mental crisis over my calculus midterm tomorrow.
But so I don't forget.. These are the current events en mi vida:
-My hair is really bothering me.. so much that I took my scissors out last night and just started chopping away at my bangs. You can barely tell, but I felt a little psychotic cutting my hair in a fury.
I talked to a trusted friend. Someone I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to count on anymore. But this person helped me more than anyone else- suggested I keep the negative, draining thoughts out of my head with a journal. I think a written journal was more the implication, but I figured I would make my computer time more productive than just gawking at Facebook pictures with this blog.
I really don't have the time to go all out with my thoughts right now; this initial post was sparked by my mental crisis over my calculus midterm tomorrow.
But so I don't forget.. These are the current events en mi vida:
-My hair is really bothering me.. so much that I took my scissors out last night and just started chopping away at my bangs. You can barely tell, but I felt a little psychotic cutting my hair in a fury.
-Won our floor hockey game yesterday 13-1.. I need to practice my goalie skills before next Tuesday.. I'm super happy about it because Anthony is taking us out for a treat because of the win, and I like riding in his wicked BMW SUV.
HOCKEY TEAM!
-I'm horrible at math; I always have been. I kill at English and Biology and Spanish... anything that doesn't involve math, but unfortunately, for the one thing in the world that I have interest in doing, I have to know math and chemistry and physics. (I like physics a lot actually, but it's math heavy.. so it doesn't come easy to me..) It really brings me down to think about failing at my life's ambition, but I'm already thinking of giving up after one quarter. I've wanted to go to medical school for soooo long now, but I get sick just thinking about the future now. I dunno what I'm gonna do, I'm just truckin along at this point.
-"Sometimes I think, there's nothing to live for.. I almost break down and cry.." I listen to a lot of depressing music.. coupled with love songs. It's a disasterous combination. I really need a good uplifting mix cd... I haven't gotten one in a while. My friends used to be good for that.
-Got a few unsettling text messages this week from guess who. I know I'm never going to be able to forget about him; I recently found out he got one of our really personal sayings tattooed on him, so he clearly will never forget about me. I'm very bitter and angry when I think about what he's done to me... the name Alex will never sound the same. I still can't help wishing things were different between us. I have somewhat of a trampled but lingering faith that he'll keep his promises some day.
-"I would give you my heart, if you would let me start all over again." I feel like there are so many things I could make right if I was given a second chance. Just in life in general.
That's all I can put into words right now; my focus and capacity for rational thought are really dwindling. Bedtime.
No comments:
Post a Comment